Monday, May 31, 2010

"Terrible Two" Stormed Up

It's been a long time I didn't buy myself any books*. These days, I feel a need to get a parenting book although I have some in the house. But I need one that can provide me with more details to cope with my boy's current development. I feel that we are experiencing the "terrible twos" now. *I managed to get one last saturday. I also "google" the topic and found some of the useful links as follow:

Once my boy starts to speak... not one word or two words anymore, but a sentence or more! He can voice out his little opinions and raise some arguments. He's no longer a listener. Just doing the opposite if we insist of what we want. We are so tensed with his rebellious behaviours.

#Tantrum 1: Ask him to get into / out of the car is a big headache.
If we are in a hurry, we ask him to move faster then he will get annoyed and refuse to move. If we carry him in/out by force, he will burst in tears.
Our solutions: Make a goody offer to him like let him watch ABC's video (via phone) or try to perk up his curiosity over something we see at outside.
Expert's suggestion: No more direct commands. Be patient to allow him to do the task independently (within his ability). Give him some options."I know you can come down by yourself. So you want daddy to carry or you want to come down by yourself?" I just said this to him this morning when he refused to come down. Without seconds, he walked down and went inside the house. Yes, at such stage, he wants to show his independence to us whenever there's an opportunity. By offering him some options, he feels much happy to follow.

#Tantrum 2: Refuse to hold hands or sit quietly while we are outside
It's always sweats+tears when we want to hold his hands to take escalators or carry him in the crowded areas. He likes to walk or run freely now. Even dining, he insists to sit on a normal chair instead of baby-chair. Sometimes, it ends up we need to shorten our trip or dining when he's out of control. Staying in house is safer and hassle-free. Hence, my hubby comments that he'd rather to packing food home.
Our solutions: Make a goody offer to him like bring him to ride machine-horse or threaten him that police will come after him (not effective at all now).
Expert's suggestion: At such stage, children like to test our limits. However, children need freedom to make decision like us too.
As to avoid dragging n pulling scenes, we need talk to him first "if you want to go there, you must sit in the cart (or hold hands). If you don't, we can't go there to buy XXX for you. Alright?" We let him make the decision (sit or hold hands if he wants to go). Never give in (tantrums) if children act over the limit. Especially when it involves safety issues like crossing road/taking escalators, we need to carry him once he opposes to holding our hands. Do explain to him why we do so.

#Tantrum 3: Intolerable tantrums if he is being refused or neglected.
As being the only child in the family, my boy enjoys to be the center of attention. Although he's still small, it's important to teach him to respect others. Like when I talk to my hubby, he will interrupt us by pulling me away or talk loud to me. If I ignore him, he'll shout or cry. Worse now, he always wants to pick up any coming calls and talk to the callers.
Our solutions: Just leave our conversations behind and pay attention to him first.
Expert's suggestion:
Time out. It's necessary to let children understand our rules.Explain to him. "Let Mommy talk with daddy first. Then I come to you. Can you wait?" If he cries or says "No", I'll repeat my request. Still he kicks off the tantrum, I'll ignore him or leave him for a time-out. When he's cooling down, I'll talk to him and cuddle him. I want him to know about the rules. Sometimes, he'll come to me and say "Mommy, I'm sorry" or "Mommy, I don't" if I don't go to him.

After reading the relevant articles on this topic, I agree that my boy is trying to have our attention to share his independence and capacity of doing something. We are his example to learn the qualities. He needs time to understand what is good or bad and what is safe or dangerous. Yes, just think in this way, what he does or says, is actually our reflections like the mirror. Now I will talk to him at his level (kneel or sit) which are eyes-to-eyes. Let him think that I respect his little talks or opinions. A long way that we are making through it together.

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